Still Trying but not really getting anywhere

Yep, i’m still trying to get this blog thing going, i feel like and idiot at times, cause all the words are there in my head and i am very out spoken but then when my fingers touch the dang keyboard i get nothing, so i feel like i am repeating my self by just typing what is in my head right now, this very moment.

Sitting here writing out Christmas cards to family , especially my daughter and my 4 gran-children back home in Australia. The last time i saw my Daughter was back in 2006 when my gran-son (Shawn Jr)  was born , we were there for his birth. Not only was that a very special moment it was also the first time we met my 2 gran-daughters ( Tanisha and Brianna). It was my husband, my youngest son and myself that saved for over 2 years to go back home just for a visit. We planned on going to see my Bro and a couple of my Best friends but i didn’t work out that way, which i am happy about seeing my gran-babies but i do miss my bro.  It was a planned 2 weeks that we spent with my daughter (how i do wish it was longer) and it was wonderful, joyful and a great deal of fun. Now being  December 2013 i sit here thinking about how i could see them again.

It’s hard when  both my husband and i work 90% of the time just to make ends meet, paying bills, making sure the Mortgage is payed every month and  always having food in the house, with having 8 kids between us at one point or another we need to stock our pantry lol. Now that there all adults and having their own lives it’s  little easier on the grocery bill.

My husband and i thought that once the kids are all out of the house then we can save and go back and visit home again, well that’s not going to happen for a very long time, due to his job and me having to be part time we seem to be experiencing Deja Vu. Sad but true, i’m not complaining cause i know that there a great deal of other people experiencing the same or possibly worst than we are.

People in general make me think more and more about how they can afford things, how can they keep up with “Jone’s”? we don’t even have a credit card and we are struggling, we don’t go to the movies, we don’t go out to dinners,  we don’ t drink alcohol , except on special occasions  which would a wine or a beer, we don’t do any kind of drug, “yeh, yeh” your probably thinking that i’m lying , we’ll i’m not lying , and i really don’t give a rats ar%$#@ what any one thinks about that, because i know that i am clean and i am content with that , i don’t need to prove to any one any thing , and i also don’t need some thing to calm me down cause i’m stressed or in pain, i deal with it. I have dealt with pain before, cancer was my first stress and i dealt with it, then my first husband was killed in an motor cycle accident, i had to deal with that, i also had 5 children and as a mother i was responsible for them, Oh yeh i could have been a useless parent but i wasn’t, then having to deal with cervical cancer but i deal with it. Again i always tell myself and i have told my children that no matter how bad you think your life is, there is some one out there that has or is going though worse than yourself.

lol, Maybe next time i put fingers to keyboard it might not take me a month or so to start typing but then again it all depends on work , life and family and all 3 are very important in every ones lives.

“Ok my brain just stopped working”, i know i am suppose to write about certain things but really with my random thoughts and i seem to have a problem where if i stay on one subject it turns  into about 5  or more subjects, i , myself think it’s quite funny and yet sad at the same time, but if i can keep up with it any one can , Hmm or can they. lol i do have to laugh at myself.