Long time since i wrote anything.

Yes, it has been a long time since i wrote anything, there has been so much  that has happened in the past 2 years, i really don’t know where to start.

First of all i work so many different jobs ,i work part time for my brother in-law, i also clean 2 houses every second weekend, i clean 3 other peoples yards ever second week, i also take care of 2 elderly lady 3 days in the month,  i don’t know if I’m Arthur or Martha , lol  and still i can not get any where . I have even gone and got a business name, started sewing again as a seamstress and yes a make a few bucks here and there but not enough to make ends meet.

Yes time for me to spill the beans, i thought  my life would change around once all the kids have moved out and now they have  families of their own, i honestly thought it would change for the better, but it hasn’t, i feel as though no matter what i do i can never get a head .

Now about the loose the house, cause the man i thought was hard worker  has shown his true colours, after 14 years of marriage all he wants to do quit every job he gets cause it’s too hard , don’t get me wrong  i do love him and always will, but it is disappointing.

Every penny  that i can save was going to a new roof, well that’s what i thought, My uncle use to tell me ” you know what thought did? he stuck a feather in the ground and thought he’d grow a rooster, but instead he grew a hair). He was right, i should never assume or think that my plans would come together unless your alone.

Since my husband’s mother had passed 3 years ago, in her will she left us the house and the property, i have tried everything to keep this as our home , it’s been 2 years and still we are fighting to keep the house, i’m at the point of just giving up, walking away, and all because they are not happy with the insurance company giving us a roof exemption until we can raise enough money to buy a new roof. Every tells us get a loan , get another job,  get a home modification, lol that only works for people who have steady jobs,  real income. To make matter worse my husband just doesn’t seem to really care, all he asks is how much do we have? can we afford this? can we afford that? I raise 5 kids on my own for many years and even my kids never did this.

I feel trapped, punished, maybe it’s just me, maybe it’s just me being greedy that i want to keep a roof over my head, maybe i’m a scrooge, i don’t know, maybe i’m being too picky or loo lazy. who the hell knows. Maybe i should be a junkie or a crack head and then get a head in life,  they always seem to have more money then me and better clothes , good grief i haven’t even bought any clothes in the past 4 years, still wearing the same clothing and shoes, and i only have 5 pairs os shoes,  but then again i do take care of any thing i have, wow something for me to really ponder about now.

Well it’s now 10.30pm and i have to finish altering some clothes, i won’t get paid if i don’t get the job don’t, and piece work don’t pay shit these days, but i have to take what i can get.

Well that’s my little rant after all these years, maybe i won’t take as long to vent my crap.

I always think that there are people out there that are worse off than me and now  i may become one of them.

Shit happens Crap occurs

Advertisements

Still Trying but not really getting anywhere

Yep, i’m still trying to get this blog thing going, i feel like and idiot at times, cause all the words are there in my head and i am very out spoken but then when my fingers touch the dang keyboard i get nothing, so i feel like i am repeating my self by just typing what is in my head right now, this very moment.

Sitting here writing out Christmas cards to family , especially my daughter and my 4 gran-children back home in Australia. The last time i saw my Daughter was back in 2006 when my gran-son (Shawn Jr)  was born , we were there for his birth. Not only was that a very special moment it was also the first time we met my 2 gran-daughters ( Tanisha and Brianna). It was my husband, my youngest son and myself that saved for over 2 years to go back home just for a visit. We planned on going to see my Bro and a couple of my Best friends but i didn’t work out that way, which i am happy about seeing my gran-babies but i do miss my bro.  It was a planned 2 weeks that we spent with my daughter (how i do wish it was longer) and it was wonderful, joyful and a great deal of fun. Now being  December 2013 i sit here thinking about how i could see them again.

It’s hard when  both my husband and i work 90% of the time just to make ends meet, paying bills, making sure the Mortgage is payed every month and  always having food in the house, with having 8 kids between us at one point or another we need to stock our pantry lol. Now that there all adults and having their own lives it’s  little easier on the grocery bill.

My husband and i thought that once the kids are all out of the house then we can save and go back and visit home again, well that’s not going to happen for a very long time, due to his job and me having to be part time we seem to be experiencing Deja Vu. Sad but true, i’m not complaining cause i know that there a great deal of other people experiencing the same or possibly worst than we are.

People in general make me think more and more about how they can afford things, how can they keep up with “Jone’s”? we don’t even have a credit card and we are struggling, we don’t go to the movies, we don’t go out to dinners,  we don’ t drink alcohol , except on special occasions  which would a wine or a beer, we don’t do any kind of drug, “yeh, yeh” your probably thinking that i’m lying , we’ll i’m not lying , and i really don’t give a rats ar%$#@ what any one thinks about that, because i know that i am clean and i am content with that , i don’t need to prove to any one any thing , and i also don’t need some thing to calm me down cause i’m stressed or in pain, i deal with it. I have dealt with pain before, cancer was my first stress and i dealt with it, then my first husband was killed in an motor cycle accident, i had to deal with that, i also had 5 children and as a mother i was responsible for them, Oh yeh i could have been a useless parent but i wasn’t, then having to deal with cervical cancer but i deal with it. Again i always tell myself and i have told my children that no matter how bad you think your life is, there is some one out there that has or is going though worse than yourself.

lol, Maybe next time i put fingers to keyboard it might not take me a month or so to start typing but then again it all depends on work , life and family and all 3 are very important in every ones lives.

“Ok my brain just stopped working”, i know i am suppose to write about certain things but really with my random thoughts and i seem to have a problem where if i stay on one subject it turns  into about 5  or more subjects, i , myself think it’s quite funny and yet sad at the same time, but if i can keep up with it any one can , Hmm or can they. lol i do have to laugh at myself.

 

 

 

Starting to get it

Well it’s been a couple of weeks since my last posting and i still couldn’t come up with much to write, my thoughts are very different from actually typing every thing out.

One of most favourite things to do is write, not about any thing in particular, but just to write.

A number of years ago, actually to be exact, just after my first child was born i started to write, especially little stories to keep her entertained and some what teach her how to read.

Simplicity was my key to her learning simple words and some thing a small mind can comprehend.  I could have gone out and bought books but i didn’t, it was more fun to write and have some thing she can always grow up with.

I continued to write as my second child was born and then the twins and then my last child, yes i have 5 children ( well they were children at one point) but now all grown up and having families of their own.

Life never seems to turn out to what you would want it to, but there are paths that every one has their own destination and we  as individual are responsible for our own. My plan was to write stories for kids, for parents to read to them the simple words that most kids understand, yet my path was changed.

It had changed from being a stay at home mum to having to get a job to make sure my kids were fed, schooled and clothed. They were busy kids, they had their sports, school band, choir, after school activities, weekend sports, we would be up at dawn and wouldn’t stop until some time late in the evening.

Now that all the kids are grown up and making their own lives and their own destination i have the time to start writing or maybe publishing the stories, even now with my gran-kids i read the stories i wrote for my kids and they understand them, it’s the simplicity of the words. Maybe it’s the child with me that i can relate, maybe it’s the motherly  thing , i don’t know.

I’m a little scared to read the stories to others because of the rejection,  because of judgement from others, there are so many people out there in the world that all they do is ridicule, judge, scorn, mock, just to name a few. Even with Blogs, there are people out there that just like to tell you how you miss-spelt a word, or you didn’t use the right commas or phrases.  Yet in their  perfect world there always right because they go a degree or because they are more experienced. Maybe that’s why i didn’t want to publish my stories, my poems are the same way, i have written over 200 poems and have only ever tried to publish a few but was scoffed at and that really put me down. The people in this world are cruel and i have learned from this that you have to be cruel to be kind, and even a righteous bitch at times to show some that you can not be walked over. In the past several years i have been asked to publish the stories and some of the poems, may be one day i will, don’t know yet, maybe i’ll just leave it all to my kids and gran kids, maybe i’ll do something like the hallmark cards with it,( wow that’s a lot of maybe’s).

August 19th 2013

wow! i honestly thought that this would be some what easy to do.

Some people have a gift of Gab, but putting pen to paper is not that easy any more, lol maybe it’s the fact that  typing keys is a little more Alien to me than pen to paper, or could it be that my mind is just not willing to work , yes i am a beginner and no matter how many blogs i read and get great ideas, my mind is saying nothing while my fingers just type away words.

I wanted to Blog , not for the fact that every one else does it , but to some what be involved, at my age it’s best to keep up with some of the technical java that is around. I don’t want to be one of those oldies that sits around and doesn’t even know how to turn on a laptop or how to use an iPhone, or how to download music,” look at me i’m some what savvy”.

I will get this Blogging somehow, it’s just a matter of time. Words will come .

Just getting Started

August 18th 2013

With internet at hand and a creative mind i should be able to come up with something. Every one is telling me ” you should create a blog, or write about it”. That all said, it’s easier said than done.

Physical work is easier than having to sit down and start typing something that every one might have some interest in, but i suppose once i get the hang of this Blogging it might come a little easier.